The “me” of now is much different from the “me” of years ago.

That is fact.

At the beginning of the previous decade (2010) I was doing my bachelors in Environmental sciences.
I had a “new” girlfriend (my second,… 3 more would follow suit after).
I was an active board member in various Fraternities.

I was also overweight and had a variety of problems.
My mindset was a bit fucked.

I was “popular” in the sense no one had any beef with me.
I stood out because of my out-and-about nature and hands-on approach.
However…

I wasn’t poor in the sense that I worked a job when studying.
Gave me an edge over others later on due to already having developed a work-ethic and having sales experience before entering the job-market for real.

This situation, to some, may seem like heaven.
To most? Nothing special.
And I have to admit, when writing this out it does not seem all too special.
Mediocre at best.

The difference was in my mind.

My mindset was fucked up!

The first year of the relationship with that girl was good.
Sex was nice, we could “talk” (what I believed) and we could be intimate.

The reason therof was distance and me being “unbound”.
Partying and goofing about.

Priorities not being straight which resulted me in flunking classes.
Relationship heading for disaster because of this.
By 2012 it ended abruptly with not much pleasantries.

I had turned into an obedient manlet.
I still held authority and leadership… but got pussy-whipped as soon as the girl arrived.

Even to this day I shudder to some old pictures of myself.
Prime examples on how to not live life.

After that relationship, I was emotionally broken.
However, she left me a goodbye gift in the form of a book I should read.
I took it as an insult. The book was “No more Mr. Nice Guy “by Robert A. Glover.

She had it downloaded on my computer back then.
She moved out and went with another guy in the span of a month.

When her stuff was moved from the student-room I rented, I felt a bit of renewal and peace of mind.
Somewhere, I knew change had to happen.
During summer I trained, trying to get my act back on line.
I studied as I had to redo my exams (at least 9 of them).

I managed to pass some of them but, in order to finalize and successfully graduate, I needed to adjust my trajectory. Needed to get an additional year.

What is normally a 3-year program suddenly became a 5 year program.
“Peers” would get ahead of me.

This was a blow.
My love life laid in shambles (I am all but a master of game).
My studies were taking on a course to the gutter.
And I was forcefully removed from peers and stood on my own for the next two years.

Mental state?
Borderline depressed (but I refused to fall down).
Love and sex life?
Young, horny and frustrated.

I decided things had gone to shits for far too long and went into “beast-mode” in those two years.

I considered myself “alone”.
A lone wolf.
And I am at my strongest when doing things on my own.

I remained active in the fraternities.
Still went out partying.
But I introduced structure in life.
Started getting involved with self-help.

I managed to get back up on my feet.
I got upright like old Scottish castles.
Awe-inspiring and full of history and ancient wisdom…
But in ruin none the less.

I entered the job-market with high-aspirations but got a job as Salesman and Technical Advisor in a Showroom.
Had a break-up with my third girlfriend and moved out from my student room and away from my family to live and rent an apartment together with my best friend of 20+ years.
At this point I managed to surpass my old “peers” for landing a decent job as some of them had been searching for a full year or had difficulties graduating from their “masters”.

I remained stuck there until 2018 when I got my shit straight after 2 mentally heavy years. (Problems at my job, break-up with girlfriend number 4 and 5, death of friends and family…).

Mental state?
Still in beast-mode and trying the best I could.
Still a bit of a party animal but increasing work-related stress and the nagging idea of “not getting ahead in life” kept my mind occupied.

I did not deter and knew something had to be done.
So I took up the old download my second girlfriend had left me.
Overcoming my own ego and taking the lessons contained therein.
An eye opener for sure as it confirmed my still recurring problems (and root thereof) but also the things I had been doing right in the mean time.

2018 was a year of great change and happiness. My friend got married to his girl of 3 years and they bought a nice home together. The year before I came to know my still current girlfriend and got together in February of that year. She moved in with me in August that same year (I took over the apartment me and my married friend had rented).
I changed jobs during the period of his move and marriage and landed myself a job as Head of Internal office and Calculator Renewables (engineering).

I cleaned up my act. Got passionate and left the partying.
I got fit again… ongoing training to this day even (as evidenced by my current running (at least) 10 push-ups a day challenge for 100 days.

Started writing about my passions.
Science, technology, (food… mostly on my instagram) and self-help.

My mindset changed.

Before I was too much of an introvert.
My thoughts ruled my life.

I did things for others so I could feel well for myself.

Emotions held great sway and made me come across as “likeable” and “charming” but also as “socially inept” and un-ambitious.

I “stayed hungry” but never “got to eat”.
It was only after following my passion.
Only after looking for myself and taking care of myself that I got a sense of fulfillment.

I changed.

Now, I do things for myself so others may benefit from it.

An example is this blog.
I use it to keep track of my progress.
To get feedback from others.
In the meantime I share valuable insights you may benefit from.

I write courses and books to share my passion and insights.
I put them up for sale so I may benefit from it.
You may benefit from it by learning something new or further hone your skills.
Perhaps even put things right so you can get ahead too!
It is also the reason why I started to open up affiliation opportunities.
(If interested, read more here: click.)

Throughout all those years and my various ups and downs only one emotion remained.

Ambition.

I stayed hungry for more.

Stay Hungry.

Take care.